Feisty Families: Cool(down) Tools For Hot Tempers, Hot Topics, in Hot Times

July. School's out. Things can heat up. The family vacation, even if the budget allows one this year, doesn't always provide memories of the "picture perfect family" getting along with each other and having fun. And, unfortunately,  even with a great summer vacation, there are still 7 more weeks to go. I'm looking forward to addressing this topic at a Kiwanis Club meeting, July 14th, 6:30 p.m., Gusto's Restaurant, Milford.

Even when there's no time to jump in the pool, go to the beach, or see a movie, there are a variety of processes to cool things down, kick things back a notch when tempers flare at home. As I work with children and families, we develop active listening skills, compassion, and practical tools for putting the fire out.

SO, REMEMBER THE "TERRIBLE TWO'S!"

When you're out of your mind, out of control, or your kids are going at it, 

remember what works with the tantrum brigade....since  even at 30, 40, or 50, there are still days we'd like to kick and scream.

DISTRACT, CHILL, REVISIT, SPLIT, CARE,  FLIP IT AROUND & BREATHE

Distract

"This is going nowhere--let's just (go to a movie, make a gift basket for someone sick, take a bike ride, whatever)."  Just staunch the lava flow, change the activity, and vow to leave the topic behind for a least an hour (or two) while you do something engaging. 

Chill

Literally. Take a shower and consider...Is this problem something in or out of your control? If not, you've got a head adjustment (your own, unfortunately) to face, and recognizing it will help curb the (pointless) struggling. 

Reschedule the Battle-----Grownup "Time Out"

"I've gotta think about this. (Or, I've gotta finish xyz...by 3:00) Let's deal with this after dinner (or tomorrow)." After all, toddlers can't think while they're kicking their feet.  

Split

Emotionally at the least, physically if you must. When someone throws you a ball, you don't have to catch it. If the trouble starts, just refuse to respond.  "I'm just not arguing now," for example. 

Care

Sometimes I just want to win. We forget the real issues that started the conflict, become entrenched in proving our points, making ourselves the 'one who's right' and forget that compromise, resolution, understanding and compassion are the real goals. Don't give it (all) up, just get a grip. 

Active listening, each person speaking while the other listens, without interruption, is a good place to start.

Flip It Around

What if I were him?  How would I feel in her position? 

Empathize, don't criticize. A little window of insight, straight from your heart can open a door.

Breathe

The reason there's so much buzz about meditation, prayer, and exercise these days is because it works. Just stop. Close your eyes. In through the nose, out through the mouth. If you're paying attention to that, your heart may stop pounding, and your mind will stop racing. 

Even in July, feisty families can cool it.

For further information, please visit my web site by following this link: http://www.periwinklehealth.com

Fast talk (tomorrow) for "Fast Trackers"

Would love for you to join me at "My Place Restaurant" in Newtown, Wednesday night, June 2nd at 6:30 p.m.  I'll be speaking on "Charisma, Claroity, and Closing the Deal." The event is sponsored by the local chapter of "Fast Track Networkers" and is open to the public. Some folks buy drinks or dinner as they wish. Afterwards there's both informal "schmooze" time, and as well as a chance to give a tidbit about your work.

Are you dreading June?

The current (June) issue of the Fairfield County edition of Natural Awakenings magazine has included me in a "practitioner profile" (see pg. 33) I'd love to share. Here's what it says:

Allison Spitzer, Therapeutic Coaching, Creative Alternatives

Whether you, your child or partner has ADD,  is depressed, anxious or overweight, the challenge affects  your (ENTIRE) household DAILY. Many families approach June in particular with dread.

 For anxious high school seniors and college grads, to children without the support systems of school, summer's freedoms create angst. An "out of control" teen with free time or a spouse's unemployment have ripple effects. If you are uncomfortably overweight, participating in outdoor "family fun" can be hot misery.

Traditional therapists delve into a problem's origins. Coaches give practical suggestions. Allison Spitzer draws from the techniques of each. Trained in the 70's in communication arts therapies at Northwestern University, she 'helps children, their parents,  young adults and individuals deal with their immediate concerns at a pragmatic, everyday level, then unravel the patterns and behaviors that led them there. We talk, create, focus, reflect, and plan. We laugh a lot, too!'

Specializing in :

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  Children, teens, adults
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  Individuals and families
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  Life skills, socio-emotional issues
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  School and behavioral problems
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  Ongoing challenges (depression, obesity, low self esteem)