Boycott Targets

Target Misses the Mark, Combines Plus Sizes with Maternity

The worst question you can ask an overweight woman of virtually any age is, “So, when are you due?”

We think, “Shut up! I’m fat, damnit, not pregnant!”  Of course, that’s not how most would reply. Weight challenged individuals are usually apologetic, even when insulted, humiliated, or ashamed. We apologize for THEIR error, wanting to spare their embarrassment -- being so deeply and keenly aware of the enormity of both our size and perceived failures.

With its recent store reconfiguration, Target, an otherwise fine retailer, actively invites this insensitive question.  Is Target consciously perpetuating ongoing discrimination against overweight women?

Target tucked its “Plus Size Women’s” section into the Maternity Department and put both into a nearly hidden, discreet back corner of the store, the back of the “bus” so to speak, so as not to expose such ‘unpleasant situations’ to others.

It gets worse.

The clothes for the overweight and for expectant mothers are hung side by side on the same racks! This forces plus size women to examine each and every label while standing next to a seemingly everpresent young woman, utterly fit, but with a belly clearly into her ninth month. Her clothes labels are marked s/m/lg/xl.  The clothes for large, non-pregnant women are coded 1/2/3/4. Side by side.

Someone could walk by and think, “Wow, she (substitute any derogatory term so often, sadly, applied by others) has to buy maternity clothes because she’s so big!”

Those who are size, shopping, and weight challenged do not need to be reminded that they are hard to fit. There are stores devoted solely to the “plus size woman.” Others simply have friendlier departments that specialize in these sizes.  Since the obesity crisis in America is certainly in the news, it is hard to believe that Target would intentionally insult a large segment of their customers.  However, it is inconceivable that no senior manager there recognized the insensitivity of its plus/maternity combination during the course of a carefully plotted national chain reorganization.

Shopping is certainly not an easy activity for the overweight.  The limited range of clothes and styles available are often ugly and matronly.  In many stores, trying on clothes in a dressing room designed for the slim puts plus size folks in a tight spot, literally. Many can remember being teased as children that their clothes would have to come from “the tent-maker.” The equivalent fear for grown-ups is that, God forbid, all one could wear is maternity clothes.

Target has certainly reinforced that fear as well as the common belief in America that big (even pregnant) is to be hidden. Perhaps Target should put the “Petites” in the children’s section. With the infant wear?

Clearly, the Target overhaul was designed by someone clueless and slender (and probably male).  Whoever their creative overseers are, they certainly haven’t a clue about the daily discrimination weight-challenged Americans must handle simply to get through the day.

So, if you or a loved one shop plus size, or if you simply hate the notion that anyone, including the overweight, in America are disciminated against, perhaps you and I should take our business elsewhere. 

Moguls, Mysteries, and Whitman

" Put up yer dukes and show me whatcha got!" Wow. The classic combative cliche. Also how so many feel day to day at work, at home or in school. 
     I've never been much interested, actually in either what you or I "have got,"  (the one with the most toys wins?) or what you or I "do." (Corner office? A lot of initials after your name?)
     Why? Because my true legacy isn't about either my assets, or my accomplishments (How many of us have been Mandela, Ghandi, or Mother Teresa, really?). It's about WHO and HOW I am, and the stories I leave in the hearts of family, friends, and strangers. 
     We are the authors and playwrights of our lives, regardless of and in partnership with our higher power or destiny. As we search to recognize the meaning of our lives, many, including me, find that the lasting memory, the value, our legacy is in our stories, our daily routines, and how we’ve created lives that reflect our core values. 
     My father often said, "If they put me down tomorrow, I haven't missed a trick!" I'm quite sure that was true. He truly lived with zest and vigor. He also said, "It's my birthday, but YOU get the presents." And I did.  He was both kind and generous to everyone, donating anonymously and widely, and giving treats to anyone who stopped by.  In summer he'd proudly pluck a tomato off the vine or gather a few flowers for you from the back yard. No one left empty handed. Long before the movie, he "paid it forward." 
       He would have been 100 years old on 1-11-11, so naturally I bought my son a lobster, to celebrate my Dad's day as he might have.

       Our lives are teachings. We are tapestries, symphonies that are woven out of those unique hardships and joys, the moguls hurdled, through which we leave our chyrsallis behind and emerge filled with light and beauty.
      

       We inspire those around us, but only if we share our story, our passions, secrets, and deepest thoughts. Our rituals, traditions, and customs unique to our family need transmission and elaboration to survive.

      

       When we tell our stories, define our legacies, we reach towards commonality and universality, towards the bliss, nirvana, echad, and oneness depicted in such classics as the “Family of Man,” “The Prophet” and “Whitman’s “Song of Myself.” 

                        Let your story live.

      Share the wealth of who you are,

                             how you are,

                    and where you’ve been,

                                                        not your assets,        

           credentials, judgements or disappointments. 

November’s NOT The Time To Just "Sit By The Fire"

Alternatives To Holiday Hell 

Workshops, Lectures, Fun 

From Halloween to New Year’s Day, we expect to be filled with cheer, surrounded by family and friends, look good, feel good, and write those vile end of year letters about our childrens’, our spouse’s and finally, perhaps our own accomplishments, vacations, blessings and news.  Oy. It's like a car crash--you can't look at it and you can't look away.

Plus, the season is filled with food crises from “what to bring, what to serve, or where to go,” to “I wanna eat it, but I can’t eat it," to "Oh Damn! I DID eat it," to the various New Year’s resolutions which invariably end with “I’ll never eat it (or do it)  again!’ And, it’s not just food, for some the partying take can take frightening turns. 

Finally, when it’s all over, we say, “So, now how the heck do I pay for it?”

Since neither we nor our families, nor our lives could ever measure up to what we expect, recall from childhood, or are convinced everyone else has, the season is a total tar pit, which, if we don’t plan well, will suck us right down in the dumps. So, since I am NOT a dinosaur, here are some November-December follies to foil the the beast inside.  Plan your escape route well. You don't have to fall in.

Forget waiting for the chestnuts to roast because open fires are dangerous anyway, a white Christmas means paying the plow guy, and you really can ring in the New Year any way you please.  

Just plan now to do what you can realistically handle AND what you can look forward to with joy during the holidays. Forget what "was," what "should be" and what "might be." Set your boundaries and let them be known. Do what you can, as you can, when you can. Then stop. Congratulate yourself on respecting your own wishes regardless of what life throws at you. Your private calm could prevent calamity this year. Who knows?

Or, try one of these...

Childrens’ Expression Sessions!  

Playful, creative arts workshops enhance self image and esteem. 

Ages 8-12.

Mondays 4:15-5:15 $35/session

Night Out, Night Off, For Cranky Couples to Re-Connect 

Re-charge, re-think, re-connect through engaging games, creative activities and dialogue. 

Thursdays 8:00-9:00 p.m $40/couple.

Creative Kvetching: Expressive Arts Therapy

Let it out, get it out! Somatic tools for healing, growth, change. Women Only.

11/18 Small group sessions @ 9 or 11 a.m. or 1p.m. $25

October 27th 9:00 a.m. 

Meet and mingle with other parents and hear Allison speak on "Parenting: Simple Tools to Stress Less, Recharge, and Gain Perspective"@ Congregation B’nai Torah Nursery School, Main Street, Trumbull. 

November 3, 10, 17th,  10:30 a.m. 

The Greenwich Senior Center: “What Your Fattest Friends Won’t Tell You” 

Lecture Series,  all welcome 

KIndly e-mail allison@perwinklehealth.com  for registration or location information...and Enjoy the leaf peeping season!

                      Screaming In September?

                 Is Your Fall Already Falling Apart ? 
 The new school year has begun. For some families, who needed a fresh start, hope's deteriorating. You may wonder, “What’s wrong? Why is there trouble again? Is it the school? My child? My parenting? Should we get “help?” Periwinkle Health suggests a one-step approach.....
                     Fall in love again! With your child, and with yourself as a parent. Regardless of the decisions you make about what direction to take this year, as a parent, you remain your son or daughter's most powerful coach, personal trainer,  friend, advocate, emotional safety net and fan.

                      Unconditional love isn't linked to behavior.  Tell your teen, college grad or school age child that you will always root  for them. Nurture, preserve and treasure your relationship. Schedule "bonding" time into your week, something fun, even if it's just 10 minutes together, especially when school and outside pressures seem to overwhelm. You don't have to coach a sport or be a health care professional to help them feel heard, understood, and protected no matter what--especially during those times when you feel caught between the system and your child. So CHEER for them! 
Especially as teens struggle to develop, define and assert themselves, it can be tumultuous for them as well as for their teachers,  families and peers. 
                      Remember when your kid was "cute as a button," or "smart as a whip" or "such a good kid?" They still are. They're yours. So, remember, reconnect. Get help if you need it. Therapeutic coaching looks for practical, small steps, while providing  perspective and relief from persistent socio-emotional or school problems.  And look forward --inside and outside--to a spectacular Fall! 

Feisty Families: Cool(down) Tools For Hot Tempers, Hot Topics, in Hot Times

July. School's out. Things can heat up. The family vacation, even if the budget allows one this year, doesn't always provide memories of the "picture perfect family" getting along with each other and having fun. And, unfortunately,  even with a great summer vacation, there are still 7 more weeks to go. I'm looking forward to addressing this topic at a Kiwanis Club meeting, July 14th, 6:30 p.m., Gusto's Restaurant, Milford.

Even when there's no time to jump in the pool, go to the beach, or see a movie, there are a variety of processes to cool things down, kick things back a notch when tempers flare at home. As I work with children and families, we develop active listening skills, compassion, and practical tools for putting the fire out.

SO, REMEMBER THE "TERRIBLE TWO'S!"

When you're out of your mind, out of control, or your kids are going at it, 

remember what works with the tantrum brigade....since  even at 30, 40, or 50, there are still days we'd like to kick and scream.

DISTRACT, CHILL, REVISIT, SPLIT, CARE,  FLIP IT AROUND & BREATHE

Distract

"This is going nowhere--let's just (go to a movie, make a gift basket for someone sick, take a bike ride, whatever)."  Just staunch the lava flow, change the activity, and vow to leave the topic behind for a least an hour (or two) while you do something engaging. 

Chill

Literally. Take a shower and consider...Is this problem something in or out of your control? If not, you've got a head adjustment (your own, unfortunately) to face, and recognizing it will help curb the (pointless) struggling. 

Reschedule the Battle-----Grownup "Time Out"

"I've gotta think about this. (Or, I've gotta finish xyz...by 3:00) Let's deal with this after dinner (or tomorrow)." After all, toddlers can't think while they're kicking their feet.  

Split

Emotionally at the least, physically if you must. When someone throws you a ball, you don't have to catch it. If the trouble starts, just refuse to respond.  "I'm just not arguing now," for example. 

Care

Sometimes I just want to win. We forget the real issues that started the conflict, become entrenched in proving our points, making ourselves the 'one who's right' and forget that compromise, resolution, understanding and compassion are the real goals. Don't give it (all) up, just get a grip. 

Active listening, each person speaking while the other listens, without interruption, is a good place to start.

Flip It Around

What if I were him?  How would I feel in her position? 

Empathize, don't criticize. A little window of insight, straight from your heart can open a door.

Breathe

The reason there's so much buzz about meditation, prayer, and exercise these days is because it works. Just stop. Close your eyes. In through the nose, out through the mouth. If you're paying attention to that, your heart may stop pounding, and your mind will stop racing. 

Even in July, feisty families can cool it.

For further information, please visit my web site by following this link: http://www.periwinklehealth.com

Fast talk (tomorrow) for "Fast Trackers"

Would love for you to join me at "My Place Restaurant" in Newtown, Wednesday night, June 2nd at 6:30 p.m.  I'll be speaking on "Charisma, Claroity, and Closing the Deal." The event is sponsored by the local chapter of "Fast Track Networkers" and is open to the public. Some folks buy drinks or dinner as they wish. Afterwards there's both informal "schmooze" time, and as well as a chance to give a tidbit about your work.

Are you dreading June?

The current (June) issue of the Fairfield County edition of Natural Awakenings magazine has included me in a "practitioner profile" (see pg. 33) I'd love to share. Here's what it says:

Allison Spitzer, Therapeutic Coaching, Creative Alternatives

Whether you, your child or partner has ADD,  is depressed, anxious or overweight, the challenge affects  your (ENTIRE) household DAILY. Many families approach June in particular with dread.

 For anxious high school seniors and college grads, to children without the support systems of school, summer's freedoms create angst. An "out of control" teen with free time or a spouse's unemployment have ripple effects. If you are uncomfortably overweight, participating in outdoor "family fun" can be hot misery.

Traditional therapists delve into a problem's origins. Coaches give practical suggestions. Allison Spitzer draws from the techniques of each. Trained in the 70's in communication arts therapies at Northwestern University, she 'helps children, their parents,  young adults and individuals deal with their immediate concerns at a pragmatic, everyday level, then unravel the patterns and behaviors that led them there. We talk, create, focus, reflect, and plan. We laugh a lot, too!'

Specializing in :

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  Children, teens, adults
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  Individuals and families
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  Life skills, socio-emotional issues
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  School and behavioral problems
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  Ongoing challenges (depression, obesity, low self esteem)